Day 2

Its been about 13 hours now since Clyde died. Its that first night after a tragic event where sleep comes fitfully and you must awake again and again to the painful reality of the event, and when neither sleep nor waking really feels desirable, or even possible.

It of course would not be a complete night without its own tragic theme song, and while Clyde's "song" was "Kiss to Build a Dream On", what I woke up to tonight was  Heaven and Earth" by Blitzen Trapper, a much more somber, appropriate song whose refrain reads: "Heaven and Earth are Mine Tonight, Heaven and Earth are Mine Tonight." (I know better than to listen to sad songs when I feel like this, but I have little control over what runs on repeat on the 45 in my head.)

In hindsight Clyde was shutting down for days. We learned last year when my greyhound was dying what the end of life signs were: progressively reduced input, progressively reduced output. Clyde's input had slowed for days: since his first dose of antibiotic weeks earlier, he'd been picky, but once he got his HW treatment his appetite took a real nosedive. We resorted to anything we could: hand-feeding chicken, cheese, and when that didn't work, we finally took the last step: alpo, the mcdonalds of dog food. He'd barely eaten two cups of food in his last 48 hours. Yesterday morning we both commented that we hadn't seen him poop in days.

Sometimes I wondered, and I wonder even more now, if Clyde's previous family ever even thinks about him, and if they care.  I know little about Clyde's past except that he was found tied to a median on I-35 before he went to TLAC and was pulled by APA. I'd like to think that his famiy was great except for the fact that they didn't give him HW preventative, didn't treat him for pnemonia, and tied him to a median on an interstate, but I have my doubts. The best part of his life probably started the day someone less than human tied him to a median on one of the busiest interstates in the country, and sped off.

Oh thank goodness. Heaven and Earth is gone, replaced by "The Trapeze Swinger" by Iron and Wine. Much better. ;P I really need to stop crying already, or I am not going to be able to work tomorrow.